January 17, 2007

Dear Cleo,

I received your last letter and was thrilled to hear about how you nearly had the dog sent to the pound. The photo of the chewed shoe was stunning. And you say they kicked the dog out for the night over it? Hysterical! You did a fabulous job making it look like the dumb dog did it. I nearly coughed up a hairball laughing. I've enclosed a photo of one of my best shoe stages. I worked for hours that night getting the teeth marks to match those of the canine. I learned it watching C.S.I. (Cats Scientific Investigations)

Last night I sat on my humans chest as she slept, just staring at her in silence. The power I felt just knowing I could swat her in the face was exhilarating. "Pretties, Here Pretties". The sound of it makes me cringe. I stared at her face and resisted the urge to attack her eyelids - her REM movement was hypnotic - and for a moment I almost thought a bug could be hiding under her eyelids. Usually I stay there, motionless until she wakes and jumps at the sight of me so close to her face. I enjoy seeing that moment of fear in her eyes before it registers that I am merely her "Pretties." However, last night, just before I attacked her eyeballs, the male human must have been aware of my intent and released some sort of toxic tear gas that nearly killed me. I gasped for air and ran out of the room just in time. He pretended to be unaware of his defense attack and rolled over. I pretended to be afraid as I retreated to the den.

I must end this letter for now. I will write again with some new plans of attack on the dogs; dumb and dumber. I look forward to your next letter.

Yours Truly,
Pretties