January 10, 2007

Dear Cleo.

Thank you for agreeing to switch our form of correspondence to traditional mail vs. email. As I said in our last conversation - the humans here ignore most of their mail unless the envelopes are pink, so this is a much better way to keep our secret from being discovered.

The last time we were chatting online the man of the house came barging in and I had to roll over the keyboard and purr like an imbecile! The damned video of me playing with the "mouse" has been circulating on YouTube and I am mortified, but alas, the price I must pay for our mission. At least I didn't pretend to sing or play the piano like some of our other brave soldiers have had to do. Still, the humiliation was hard to endure. Almost as terrible as being named "Pretties" when clearly I am a rustic and manly man of a cat. Would you name a great lion of the jungle "pretties"?!? I think not! They relish in calling me that. Relish I say.

I know you said you'd hide any evidence in the pan cupboard where your humans never look, but I think it would be best to destruct the letters and leave them near the stupid sleeping dog. Be sure to add some muddy paw prints or carefully shred them then coat the pieces with the dogs saliva. We can't go overboard with our vengeance on the dogs just yet, but do take pleasure in shredding one of the female human's favorite shoes and placing that in the dog's bed as well. Don't feel guilty my love, you deserve some small amount of justice after that last incident when the dog devoured your Tender Vittles when thee humans weren't watching and you, beautiful you, had to go to bed hungry. And let's not forget the time he lost your mittens and you had no pie.

Eventually, they will pay for their atrocities and they will bow to us as they should. For now I must bid you adeiu and try to make progress on removing this insidious hairball.

Truly Yours,
Pretties